Please Help Save My Relationship
Question: My husband and I have been together for 11 years and at times I want to give up because he doesn’t change his ways like he has promised he would. I want to save our relationship, but I don’t want to wait forever, if he is going to continue to be the same forever. It seems like something has a hold on him and makes him not do the right thing. Please help!
Dear Sweet Angel, We hear you and can feel your pained heart as you continue to see your husband in his pain as well. You say that you’ve been married for 11 years and you are waiting for your husband to change, but he does not appear to be changing. You say you feel as if something has a hold on him preventing him from changing. His change you feel would be the right thing for your marriage.
We would like first to speak of the concept of right and wrong. From our perspective there is no right way or wrong way, there is simply the way; now this may seem very confusing to you, so let us explain. You see your husband’s ways of expressing himself as not right for your happiness. Clearly you would like to see him behave as you expect him to. If he does not meet with your expectations you see the behavior as bad and a weakness of his character. He may or may not see his behavior in the same way as you. So who is to say what is right and what is wrong. The behavior is simply an action. It is then determined by the observer to be right or wrong.
From our perspective all actions are part of the experiencing of the consciousness of that which one is focused within for the purpose of expansion in order for the soul’s growth. So then your husband’s behavior is part of his expression of his current level of conscious awareness.
You, also have your ways of behaving, like your husband, your behaviors match your current level of conscious awareness. Your consciousness holds the belief of right and wrong action. This is the action of judgment, which is to view or observe and event and define it as correct or incorrect.
Now, we are not meaning to imply that you are incorrect in your belief for all have the right to believe as they choose. However, as all expand their consciousness they find it necessary to let go of beliefs that no longer serve them and shift into new beliefs that are a match their new level of conscious awareness.
As we speak now to you, we wish for you to understand that to find your happiness and to experience the changes that you would like (and so deserve) to experience in your marriage, we suggest to you that you be the force of change.
We suggest that you begin by shifting your focus from the behaviors that you see as wrong with your husband to seeing all that you feel is right in husband and your marriage. Focus only on what is appreciated by you and not at all on what displeases you. It would be beneficial for you to create a written list of all that your appreciate about your husband. This action on your part will shift your focus and you will shift your energy from displeasure to appreciation, from fear of no change to the realization that you have the power to change the energy in your marriage.
The letting go of the expectations surrounding your husband’s ways of behaving and focusing instead on what is positive in your relationship, this serves to shift the energy from disempowerment to empowerment. You may find that your husband begins to respond in a much different manner as he begins to feel and respond from the energy of appreciation and not disappointment and failure. This shift will change your way of being as well. You see dear one, your partner is not responsible for you happiness or lack of happiness, only you are! This is true for everyone. As you begin to shift your focus to that of appreciation your own vibration will shift and new experiences will come your way. You will begin to see life differently.
The next step (when you feel ready) is to begin to ask yourself where in me (my thoughts and beliefs) is the match for my husband’s behavior. If your husband’s actions are abusive in nature, say where am I being abusive? Is it possible that I am abusing myself by holding beliefs that I am not worthy of happiness? You see, what you experience around you in your life including the behaviors of all others is a reflection of what you are thinking about you. This is also true for all.
Now we have suggested ways for you to jump into action to shift your current situation without going into the personal dynamics of your relationship. There is also much for both you and your husband to learn. But what we want you to know is that you have the power within you to be the change you wish to see in your relationship and in your world. We hope you set about to begin to experience your power! This will assist you in making any and all decisions you need to experience the happiness you deserve.